Memphis Flyer – November 29, 2012
Ex’d Out made into the Memphis Flyer this week and was reviewed by Bianca Phillips
Fall into winter with some reading. Fourteen books to consider.
Ex’d Out is written for a Christian audience with numerous references throughout to God’s leading Smid in various directions with plenty of talk about grace and Jesus. But Christian or not, readers (especially those affected by the ex-gay movement) will be moved by John Smid’s story of transformation.
Written to a friend –
“Remember John J Smid from Memphis? He wrote a book that was released last week. My copy arrived today. Haven’t been able to put it down. I’m in tears (not bad) because it’s so relatable and honest. Maybe this will help release me of the years of shame I’ve struggled with….”
Former Memphis Resident
“I’ve read through your book four times! The first was just reading it, the next two times I studied it, the fourth time, I began using it as a reference book. I have found connection with God again in my life. I’m praying more, trying to listen to Him more. It was the chapter on grace that turned things around for me. Understanding how much God loves me even in being gay. I lost my partner of 24 years in February. My grief has kept me all tied up. Your book helped me to begin moving on and this came through my reconnection with God.”
Steve
“Please don’t think I am patronizing you but I must say I have never read a biography that reveals the author’s heart and life with such authenticity. You and I have discussed many personal aspects of our lives but the detail you gave in the chapter “Mixed Orientation Marriage” astounded me. I know this was not only hard for you to share but must have been for Vileen as well. This will resonate beyond words with other gay men and their straight wives who are or have been in mixed orientation marriages.”
“John, I just ordered 5 copies of your book through your website. I want to give them out to my Pastor and several of those that I mentor. I wish I could afford to buy a copy for everyone I know as your message needs to be heard far and wide. I still contend that you are called to be “The Apostle Paul” to the gay community! They are hungry to hear the message you are sharing. This is especially true of those who grew up in Christian homes and the gay community is full of them.”
Gary
I’m reading it now. Very good, insightful on things well beyond GLBT issues!
Doug
I thought you did a superb job with the book! It was easy to read and tucked full of who you are! It was like I had walked through some of the pages with you, as I had listened to your heart and read the many articles that you had on Grace Rivers site. I could remember when you shared with me, the very fact that you were struggling with the need to bring help to the Homosexual through the ministry of Grace Rivers. When you said that you needed to take it to the streets. I remembered praying for you. as I could sense the personal journey that lie ahead for you, was heartfelt.
Peggi
Hi John…I’m just finishing your book and it has been amazing. I totally connect with your experience and thoughts. I’ve never had anyone articulate my own thoughts like you did at the end of the book.
Barry
2/3 through your book. I’m amazed at how you are able to open yourself to new information and allow it to penetrate if it has any ring of truth. In some ways a painful book to read as it reminds me of my own journey out of fundamentalism, self-righteousness and judgment of others. And yet, and yet, I am profoundly grateful to have followed the path to freedom and the knowledge that nothing can separate me or anyone else from the love and acceptance of God.
RW
Finished the book, By the way, the most notable affect was that I realized I can no longer try to live as a straight gay man.
BH
I have finished your book and want to share my response with you. For some time I have been curious about my strong feelings about how gays are (or are not) accepted by the culture but especially by “the church.” I ask myself why…to my knowledge none of my children are gay, nor my parents, nor my siblings or nieces or nephews. I grew up in the straight world. Though I have a deep appreciation for women I have never had any sexual attraction to females.
While reading your book I once again felt such strong emotions about this “issue.” I didn’t know whether to cry or scream. I have never read such an honest description of the struggle to please God by ridding oneself of sin, and yet I so identify. Though I have never been told I was an abomination – I was told throughout my childhood and adolescence what God expects of “godly” women. I knew at an early age I did not fit that description.
So, I began to work at it. Though fascinated by and terrified of sex I was determined to remain a virgin until I married. Though boisterous and gregarious I worked hard to become more demure, passive, feminine and submissive. I am strongly opinionated and I knew I must remain silent when around “church men, the god appointed leaders.” It would have been unthinkable to marry anyone outside the Church of Christ, so I married the first C of C man who had any interest in me.
It all came apart when my good Christian husband and I nearly emotionally destroyed one another and our marriage collapsed. Taught all of my life that the family that prays together stays together, I, like you, wanted to scream, “you lied to me!!” I felt betrayed by the church.
This experience has stirred all this up for me once again, not so much for myself, but to realize this is still going on today in 2013, and this time the focus is on gay men and women. I can’t stand it.
I ask myself what can a 66 year old straight woman do to convince alienated folks that Love is available to all? I question whether involvement with any church that does not openly proclaim that all people are not only welcome at “the table,” but in church leadership is a betrayal of all that I believe to be true about God. What am I doing in a church at all?
Your heart wrenching story, as well as others like yours, breaks my heart. Yes, I am gratified that you are finding that you have been accepted by God since your birth…better late than never! As I read your heartfelt apologies, I want to say to you, “I am so very sorry for the messages of judgment and rejection you received from well-meaning Christians (like I used to be). So, so sorry.”
I don’t know where I go from here with all this, but I clearly state to the Holy Spirit, send me.
RW
About 7 years ago I began to research Gay Christian and accepting Churches. I realized that 17 years after my involvement with Love In Action I still had same sex attraction. I began to realize that God made me the way I am. If God did not change me He must have made me this way for a reason, who am I to second guess God. Some time ago I got a message from John Smid which was an apology and an encouragement to join a Christian fellowship. I wanted to respond but did not know what I wanted to say. I ordered Ex’d Out and have read about half of it. Yesterday I read John Paulk’s Press release and apology.
The following is my response:
I came to Love In Action a mess. Being raised a strict Jehovah’s Witness, being disowned by my entire family for smoking, being on the verge of suicide etc… I remember just setting there and weeping, as I said a mess. I came to change my life, the change I wanted was to go straight. The change I got was a new life! I learned forgiveness, I learned the bases for a better outlook on life, I learned to love myself. I am not going to say that I agree with everything that went on that year I was in Love In Action, as I left pretty resentful. As time went on I began to realize the LIA had changed my life in a positive way. I now have no ill will.
I now have a life that I would have never have had if it was not for the two of you. I am happy! In a stable relationship with a great guy, for the last two years! A great Job! And was able to buy a house. At this point I would consider myself an agnostic, mostly because of the churches political stances that I feel do not belong in the church.
I love you guys and owe you my life.
DF
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