This is the third part in a series I am writing to acknowledge mistakes I have made through the ministry of Love In Action, Exodus International, and the Ex-gay movement and the harm and discouragement that resulted.
I Acknowledge
I taught material on child development theories to groups of parents with a bias towards a developmental causation of homosexuality.
I would often teach that we really didn’t know the cause of homosexuality and that science had not found definitive answers to its origins. However, I confused this message through the content of material I brought to groups of parents.
Teaching child development with an overlay of my own life development I would often relate it to how I believed I had become gay. Since science had not found absolutes, I was arrogant in teaching information as if I knew the origins!
It didn’t translate well to parents
I have always been a person who asked lots of questions about life and experience. Through the years of my own journey I looked for solutions to my own pain and confusion. When I learned about child development theories I found it to be a great way to seek answers to the deeper questions I had been asking about my childhood experiences. I found it helped me to grow in greater understanding of myself.
Since I was in an environment for over twenty years that taught that no one was born gay, then I figured there must be answers that could be found in our childhood experiences. So, I went on a personal quest to lay out a timeline of my life and I attempted to lay child development theories over the top to help me figure things out.
As I did this, it seemed to make sense to me that I had been born neutral and that things I went through had impacted me to develop same sex attractions during puberty. So, I thought, “This was it!” It was the experiences of my life that merged with my chemistry and bingo! I became gay. I have since changed my perspective on this.
The Wrong Assumptions
The deeper problem with this material is that it is very easy to place responsibility on the parents and loved ones of a gay person for their homosexuality. It could be assumed then, if the dad was distant, or the mom over close and too protective, then the blame could be found with the parents! If the neglect or abuse from a parent or loved one, then the gay person could say it was their fault.
As parents and loved ones came to conferences, or counseling weekends at Love In Action, and sadly, many other national events, they would come with grave concerns for those they loved. Child development theories were often taught at these events. In their attempts to seek answers that might “fix” their kids it was very easy for the grief stricken parents to take on unhealthy responsibility for something in their child’s life that many people would call “sin.” Therefore, the parents could go away not with freedom, but with greater burdens like “I caused the sin in my child’s life.”
“John, my parents came to one of the Love In Action conferences and left with such grief that I don’t believe my mom ever got over it. She was concerned about me and said that she felt guilty that she was such a bad parent all of my life. She went to her grave never feeling free from this deep burden.”
Wow, this is serious!
I think child development theories are a great tool to process a person’s life and find some answers. But when it is attached to homosexuality, it can easily be greatly misinterpreted by many who are listening.
Oh, I always prefaced my teaching with clear communication that I didn’t believe a parent caused their child’s homosexuality. One of my statements was , “Don’t be arrogant, you don’t have enough power to create a homosexual child.” But all of my warnings could not forestall a parents sense of responsibility, grief, and desire to repair their child’s homosexual inclinations.
I was asked to speak at a parents conference a couple of years ago after I gained insights about the seriousness of this issue. I told the host that I would not be teaching child development at the conference because I believed it could cause harm to those attending.
Back to the Drawing Board
Since I have been aware of the harmful potential of this material I have been doing some of my own study regarding the origins of homosexuality. I have had my eyes opened up to some amazing new insights.
I have learned that it is highly possible that many of the things that I used to say “caused” a homosexual orientation, may have in fact been a result of being gay to begin with. Things such as a distant father. Was the father distant because he really didn’t understand how to relate to a son who was gay? I think this far more likely.
Or what about an over protective mother? Was she sensitive to her son because she intuitively knew that he was being teased, ridiculed, and set aside because of this unique gender orientation? Most likely.
Did the dad come very close to the daughter because he sensed she needed the nurturing from him that he felt may help her adjust to being lesbian but just didn’t understand what it was all about? Was the mom conflicted with her daughter because she truly couldn’t relate to her daughter’s perspective on life and relationships? I’m sure this was likely the case.
And, is it possible that a dad or mom’s history with same gender relationships created conflicts when they saw a budding gay son, or lesbian daughter. Well, it just may be so.
If I think I have learned anything about all of this, it is that we just don’t have all of the answers. Truly, we don’t know how the mysteries of our development and it’s application to our lives. Some answers come over time, but there are so many other questions that remain.
A New Framework of Life
As I look back on my own life, I can see how my dad tried desperately to relate to me. I have always been unique. I’ve been highly emotionally wired and deeply sensitive to those around me. I am sure my dad shook his head many times trying to figure out how to relate to me. I’ve also always been a very verbal person and process my life on my sleeve. My dad on the other hand, has always been more of a quiet person.
I remember when I was about 10, my parents had just divorced and my dad came to our house around Christmas time. He brought me a car model that he wanted to help me put together. It was a 1/8 scale Jaguar XKE! It was huge! We spent many hours working on it together. My dad knew I didn’t like the normal things like sports, hunting and fishing. He could see I always liked cars. He had struck the right match and we connected. But I am sure that wasn’t the end of my dad’s questions about my life or struggles to understand me.
Honestly, I have always been gay. My homosexuality isn’t anyone else’s fault. It is just the way I am. Now that I have accepted that, the child development material takes on a dramatically different perspective.
I can look at my dad differently. Instead of saying his emotional distance created my gender struggles, I can say it shows me how tough it must have been on him to have a gay son that was so different than any other male relationships he had experienced. My dad’s world was a life with lots of other men at the Post Office. When I entered his world, a unique person challenged him deeply in ways he just couldn’t relate to.
1000’s Mislead
I have attended over 35 Love Won Out conferences all of the country. These are one day events that were produced by Focus on the Family. They were typically attended by anywhere from 500 to 1000 people, mainly comprised of parents. They hosted teachings by psychologists who believed in developmental theories so child development came along with the package. Men and women shared their stories of disconnection with parents in several of the workshops as examples of these theories. Tears of sadness, grief, and an ability to relate flowed from many of those in attendance.
As I stood at my booth, the parents would flood out of the auditorium heading straight towards us with red eyes and Kleenex in their hands. They were full of questions and I handed out hundreds of copies of material that they could take with them that would resonate with what they had just heard.
I don’t think I have ever seen such a large gathering of grieving parents in my life. It was as though they had all lost their children to death and gathered for a common memorial service!
During those years I attended as an exhibitor, thought I could comfort them by helping them to figure out why their kids were gay. I thought, erroneously, that somehow with my great knowledge of child development, I could help them figure it out.
Instead, what was needed was to help them accept their children as they are and to not feel as though they could fix anything, and to realize that they really couldn’t. I have found that at the point where parents accept their children as being gay is really where the authentic relationship begins! The parents find real adult connections that they had longed for, and the children finally feel the love from their parents that they hadn’t perceived was there. This is a win, win situation for all concerned.
Thousands of pamphlets went forth, hundreds of parents left knowing they weren’t alone, but in the end, nothing got fixed. The grief didn’t go away, but may have even gained more power.
God Grant Me the Serenity to Accept…….. A Pathway to Peace
In the end, years later now, when I have been able to connect with some of these parents, they have said, “Oh, I have come to accept my son, my daughter the way they are. We don’t always agree, but we have a better relationship then we ever have. I realized I couldn’t fix them. I stopped handing them books, digging for details, and scraping the scabs of our relationship wounds and we’ve finally found peace. We are all actually much happier and have gone on with life in a better way now.”
What is the way of Jesus?
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin[b] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 1 Cor. 5:18-21
Oh my gosh I think this is one of the saddest things I have seen you write,
“I don’t think I have ever seen such a large gathering of grieving parents in my life. It was as though they had all lost their children to death and gathered for a common memorial service!”
This is so incredibly sad, I can visualize the auditorium or ballroom doors opening and the parents pouring out in tears. This is so so very sad John.
And they are still at it John, here is one treatise updated for 2012. This is bare animus.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/topicinfo/Position_Statement-Civil_Unions_Domestic_Partnerships_and_Reciprocal_Beneficiary_Contracts.pdf
John, so true and according to Alan Chambers’ tweet to me he isn’t telling parents this anymore. Parents struggle and their children’s struggle. They cry out to Jesus from the depths of their being. He isn’t telling 99.9% of the population they aren’t trying hard enough. Something is wrong with the program. And I appreciate your honesty.
My dad was a psychologist. In the mid-70’s he had drug counselors come speak to his college classes. These non-Christians would say “the only true deliverance from drugs we’ve seen are the addicts who have done it thru Jesus.” …so why would Jesus do it for numerous hippies and not for 99.9% of parents and their kids who are desperate for His touch? I say it isn’t the people…
Lastly I’ve noticed that people who fail at ex-gay-ing tend to run from Jesus. Not from lack of commitment, but from feeling He has forgotten them. How terrible to do this to people!
Nice to know you are rethinking things that have happened in the past. I think the reason I am so liberal in my life is because I have watched you struggle with this my entire life.
I have always thought people are people. As long as they don’t hurt anyone why should we judge?
Religion is supposed to support, not judge. The world needs variance, without it we would be so boring. Why can’t people just accept instead of trying to always find a reason to fix what is broken. Maybe it’s not really broken.
Cheryl Tyler =
“John, so true and according to Alan Chambers’ tweet to me he isn’t telling parents this anymore.”
StraightGrandmother = Really? Is this true? Can you kindly provide that tweet conversation? Just copy paste is fine. I would be interested in seeing that for myself. If Alan Chambers says he is no longer focusing on the parents as the source of their children’s homosexuality I certainly applaud that, but I would sure like to see that for myself if you wouldn’t mind sharing.
I sense that John is headed in a direction with his “confessions” that is literally wiping out the “newness” God created in him, and replacing it with the old nature he once had… beware, sin crouches in the darkness of an unrepentant mind and spirit.
I would like to recommend for anyone who thinks that the developing child’s environment has nothing to do with their becoming gay to read Dr. Gabor Mate’s thorough assessment of the causation factors of addictions, “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts” (see his clips on you-tube, and the book at Amazon.com). Perhaps this book will be a catalyst that will help to renew your mind to the realization that when God’s says He wants to renew our minds, He is actually saying that He wants to change it completely, from what it has become, to being a “new creation”, where the old has passed away and the new has come.
If homosexuals think they can continue in their sin, they are dead wrong. Renewal means a complete makeover, that only God can do. Without his help, and removal of the person’s environment and affiliations from the sin that continually besets you, you will fail.
An alcoholic does not go to the bar and not find temptation lurking. The shop-a-holic does not go to the department store and not be tempted to buy clothing.
Anyone tempted by sexual desires does not go to pornography sites, prostitutes, or seek other sexually explicit material and not be tempted.
And anyone that says they are without sin is a liar and the truth is not in them (1 John 1)
As a parent and an advocate for parents I would not be so quick to dismiss the developmental understanding because it results in guilt and grief in parents. After all if we ditch developmental understanding we ditch much of the reason to support and help parents and to (re)discover child rearing ways that are better for kids and society.
Parents cause all sorts of behaviour and feeling and beliefs in their kids. We just have to accept that guilt is almost unavoidable as parents. We parents need to get over the guilt and any remaining illusions of perfection because our ‘guilt-potential’ is used to keep information from us that could benefit our kids and families and society(but which may also make us see that we didn’t do the ‘right thing’).
There are many issues where parents are lied to or deliberately kept ignorant of established facts because someone in their expert arrogance or self interest says we need protection from feeling guilty: eg breastfeeding, smoking, child care without attachment, etc. John, you have written that you previously succumbed to ‘expert arrogance’ in your work.
The development of sexual emotions is most likely another area where parents have a huge impact, and not just ‘innate’ immutable factors. We know that even in utero children are impacted by stress, chemicals, etc. Though this is much less understood than some issues, should we avoid the seeking for truth in this area because we are afraid it will cause guilt feelings in some, or show that some approaches are healthier than others? I hope not.
That said, parents can always relieve some guilt (or just get a grip) by blaming society or culture or advertising or the Church or their own upbringing or their role models, etc for mis-shaping them and their child-rearing : I mean there are societal and not merely personal causes for our relational and parenting behaviours. Eg many people were profoundly scarred emotionally and in their parenting by war, residential schools (for first nations folk in Canada), experts, dictatorships, gov programs, crime, deaths, disasters, etc.
We have people in our family who were raised under Nazism and still carry much of that teaching, which affected their children, and thru’ them their grandchildren. We are impacted ‘until the 3rd and 4th generations’ seems a pretty apt description of this sad human reality. Truth and forgiveness are necessities.
John you say being gay likely causes parents to respond with coldness/distance or protectiveness, ie that the child causes the parents’ response, not the parents’ behaviour causing the child’s response. This is doubtful. You are stereotyping behaviour as ‘gay’. Eg you liked to talk a lot and were sensitive because you were ‘gay’ and your father didn’t/wasn’t because he was ‘straight’ (which you don;t actually know anyway regardless of what if anything he ever told you about the history of his sexual feelings). This is logically shabby.
I have seen that males are told from birth and against the very obvious contrary facts – before they could have the physical possibility of later memory – that boys don’t cry, don’t dance, don’t sing, don’t like pink, don’t feel pain, don’t like to talk, don’t write, don’t like flowers, etc. That these are ‘female’ or else ‘gay’ attributes. And of course a lot of similar BS for girls. What a lot of ahistorical, observably false BS. What a burden to dump on a child. I have seen people tell my sons and other boys this crap umpteen times from infancy on and have told them to cut out the crap.
You and your dad likely grew up with this crap and it likely shaped him and you. Or maybe he did not have the personal experience of being emotionally expressive or close to his dad or to anyone else due to the trauma or conditioning of war, schooling, culture,consumerism, industrialized technocratic society, etc.
I think many Christians in the ‘evangelical’ churches (and some mainliners) overly personalize sin. Yes we have personal responsibility, and yes we also are shaped by vast forces that we have little control over. The Fall affected everything, not just each ‘me’.
Would be interested to see responses to this.
Mammal Mum,
As I’ve stated in my article, I don’t dismiss the value of child development theories. Actually, I think they prove the point as well in my perspective today. It is just a matter of question, which came first, the chicken or the egg? In this case I think it is mostly that the gayness is present first, therefore creating a divide between the healthy relationship between the gay son and his dad.
But, I also agree that it is healthy for parents to find ways to move past the guilt that occurs when a child doesn’t turn out like expected, or desired.
However, I also find that a parent would do well to do their own evaluation of the history with their child and own the responsibility that is theirs to own. Much like in my case, after 23 years at LiA, it is as though I had raised a child. I didn’t have bad motives, nor did I do everything wrong. Those years weren’t a total wash, but as I evaluate them, I have done some things wrong and it is appropriate that I own what I know was wrong.
John
I am going to throw a monkey-wrench into the works.
I think it is important to once again reiterate and understand that, in the extreme, there are two diametrically opposed points of view towards homosexuality. One is that it is a brokenness which ensues as the result of the fall of man. The other point of view is that homo-sexuality is an intrinsic inherent constitutional orientation of the exact same degree as, and on par with, hetero-sexuality.
When I was deeply involved in the Orthodox Church and influenced profoundly by the teachings of certain Elders within Orthodoxy, and especially within the monastic culture in which I lived, I was exposed to a field of thought which sees all sexual desire and sexual expression as a result of the fall of man. Although Adam and Eve were told to be fruitful and multiply, and (apparently) were given an impetus towards physical union in order to create and give birth to the necessary offspring, according to the specific Orthodox teaching to which I refer, conceiving children in order to continue the Human Race is the sole purpose of “sex” per se. In other words, if you are not intent on conception, you should not engage in sexual expression. And after children are conceived, man and woman should live as brother and sister, not man and wife. I know entire churches which believe this to be the teaching of The Church and whose members attempt to live it out.
Now, what does this have to do with homosexuality? If the sole purpose of sexual desire is for procreation, then any sexual expression (i.e. for pleasure, for intimate bonding) would be outside of the expressed Will of God i.e. sin, whether homo-sexual or hetero-sexual in desire and drive.
Now jump to the New Testament and Jesus’ words on what marriage (the union of a man and woman) means in the coming Kingdom. ” In the Resurrection, they neither marry nor are given to marriage but are like the Angels in heaven.” Matthew 22 verse 30
So, to bring this to my point: Is ALL sexual expression outside of the definite intention to conceive children something for which one must repent? In other words is hetero-sexual desire as potentially sinful as homo-sexual desire? Should one therefore repent of hetero-sexuality? Or should one seek to live out one’s hetero-sexuality within the guidelines of scripture and of the Church’s teachings?
Should one repent of one’s homo-sexual constitution? Should one seek to fix or repair one’s homo-sexual constitution? Is one’s homosexual constitution able to be 1) repented of, or 2) fixed or 3) repaired ?
How does one repent of one’s sexuality? How does one repent of one’s hetero-sexuality? How does one repent of one’s homo-sexuality?
Now what is the answer for those of us who are basically and deeply homo-sexual to the degree that others are hetero-sexual?
My personal story can briefly be described as not wanting to be homosexual, using denial, repression, ignoring, fighting. and attempts to express hetero-sexuality as a means to not be homo-sexual. Then I spent years accepting and acting on my homo-sexual desires. Then I spent years trying to undo my homo-sexuality in my desire to serve God and be who I think/thought God wants me to be. Without having a cause for homo-sexuality, it is extremely difficult to repair/fix/repent of/ undo homo-sexuality, short of suicide.
I have tried to undo/fix/repair/repent of/repress/deny/fight against/alter/ my homosexuality. I have done everything I can think of… I have followed every pathway in existence (except for hetero-sexual marriage.)
I still have a homo-sexual constitution.
I am still a Christian.
The monkey wrench I am throwing into the works here is not a philosophy, nor a medical diagnosis, nor a political statement nor a theological construct nor a spiritual answer. I, Tim, am the monkey-wrench.
And, Tim, did God allow / intend / purpose “monkey wrenches into this world for His reasons? Are we, as monkey wrenches, bringing something to those around us to reveal more of God, to glorify Him?
Just another “monkey wrench” walking alongside you.
John
Tim Warner, I don’t know why, but immediately after I read your comment my mother’s favorite hymn popped into my mind,
“Just as I am Without One Plea”
Here is the lyrics and piano version
http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh357.sht
After writing that last comment I went and looked up a little more about the hymn “Just As I Am Without One Plea” It rather suites the topic of conversation here,
“Miss Charlotte Elliott was visiting some friends in the West End of London, and there met the eminent minister, César Malan. While seated at supper, the minister said he hoped that she was a Christian. She took offense at this, and replied that she would rather not discuss that question. Dr. Malan said that he was sorry if had offended her, that he always liked to speak a word for his Master, and that he hoped that the young lady would some day become a worker for Christ. When they met again at the home of a mutual friend, three weeks later, Miss Elliott told the minister that ever since he had spoken to her she had been trying to find her Saviour, and that she now wished him to tell her how to come to Christ. “Just come to him as you are,” Dr. Malan said. This she did, and went away rejoicing. Shortly afterward she wrote this hymn.”
The hymn first appeared in 1835
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/j/u/justasam.htm
My mother is a very strong Christian woman quite elderly now, but she still will sing hymns and my mother is accepting of sexual minorities. She will say things like, “Well some people are different, that’s all” But being “different” to my mother never meant bad. She was always the first to reach out a helping hand to those in need even when they didn’t even ask her.
This generosity of spirit goes back generations in my family. My mother would tell me stories of her mother, and they were quite poor, very poor, my grandmother would save her coffee grounds and wrap them in a rag to give to the hobos who would come begging at people’s back door. I think I have absorbed that generous spirit and think I have instilled it in my children.
We each come to our Lord as we are, none perfect. And for me I can answer Tim’s question, I don’t believe anyone needs to repent of their sexuality. We come as we are our sexuality is part of who we are, and if it were true that homosexuality is wrong then God would have been changing many more people than he has, as surely he has been asked millions of times. The fact that he doesn’t change people must indicate that he accepts us all, as we are. As my mother would say, some people are just different.
Excellent point, John! I forgot about that scripture, which is extremely apropos your discussion above (part 3). If you read John 9: 1-3 it is possible to interpret the human condition and ALL that it may be as the vehicle through which the works of God are manifest.
This is something upon which I need to meditate.
Tim
From an email:
I have been reading your blog posts. What strength you have! What faith a man must have to admit he was wrong, and take responsibility, not just for his actions but also for his responsibility to teach. I don’t know if you get to hear this often, but I am proud of you. You continue to be in my prayers. God Bless.
John 9:1-3
Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind
1 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
I think we need to plunge into the discussion of John chapter 9 and draw the parallels with blindness and homo-sexuality. The obvious questions I have are as follows: Is this applicable to the homo-sexual condition? Does this mean that one is born with a homo-sexual condition? Does this mean that one with a homo-sexual condition can still be a vessel used for the Glory of God, through whom the works of God may be made manifest? (How do you like all that church lingo?!?!) And ultimately, in consort with the scripture, does this mean that the works which glorify God are in the “healing of the homo-sexual”? Is homosexuality something from which we need to be healed?
Or is homo-sexuality something which IS, which exists, and are there some who are homo-sexual and who qualify for the Kingdom of God as they are? I think this is such a deep issue simply stated for me as “if I were healed of homosexuality, THEN I could serve God, be successful, etcetera ad infinitum.”
Maybe God is saying , as straight grandma says, “No, I will glorify myself in you just as you are. You can come into the kingdom just as you are.” “But Lord, I am a sinful man,” I cry. “I know” He says.
Ever notice how the character of God as revealed through and in Jesus is to forgive, to reconcile, to love, to gather into a community, to include all who are weary, downtrodden, social and economic outcasts and failures? The judgement and condemnation Jesus expressed was continuously for those who thought themselves the worthy elite simply because of their pedigree, their Judaism.
Was Love in Action maybe not so much a hospital to heal those who are “inflicted with homo-sexuality” but rather a church body which brought Jesus to its members and a church body which brought its members to Jesus despite the lack of a “hetero-sexual pedigree”?
It has only been about two years, since I was receiving almost 300 hour’s of one on one, ex-gay counseling a year. This was in addition, to books, series, and DVD on repairable therapy. I also had mentors, accountability partners, pastoral counseling,and Godly Christian men to spend time with me to offer healthy male affirmation. This lasted two years. I have meet and counseled with most of the Icons in the Ex-gay business/ministry.
I joined online support groups for those with “unwanted”, same sex attractions. I remained completely celibate for two years , with every guard in place,on and offline. I spoke at weekly group meetings, what I was taught. I attempted to encourage parent’s and the “struggling” alike. Many time’s I received phone calls , all times of the day and night,from distraught parents and suicidal teens. I had all the “right” answers, I knew what was called for. Many were certain God had indeed called me into ,and given me a heart for the Ex-gay ministry.
My heart was and is for the hurting. My real struggle was not seeing anyone completely transformed, and the inner voice that questioned it all. Knowing my attractions were not changing. I felt destitute, but still remained in hopes that maybe I could help someone ,that was more in Gods favor than I. I could literally write a book . It would be possibly, more successful than anything received in all of the so called behavioral modification. I’m sure many may say that I truly didn’t have a mind set for change, however, it would be wonderful to have all the money that was spent, to put on a worth while ministry like Grace Rivers.
We may never know this side of heaven why people are gay, and I don’t really think we have to…because I know our Father truly understands why we are the way we are, and why we do the things we do, even when we don’t. I know someday, face to face, the other half will be told.
Thank you ,John, for giving me your best during those years. I feel your heart was honest during that time, and is honest now,as you seek to bring a light of TRUTH to a very dim gay population. It thrills me to see the hope in the eyes of those that once felt rejected, lost, and could not find a place in the church.
Thank God for his undeserving Grace, and Thank you for Grace Rivers.
Thank you Tim. I have seen you come a long way in the recent years. I have seen you mature, grow, and settle your life. You are more confident, well spoken, and secure than I have ever known you to be.
God’s goodness never fails.
John – Thanks for this post. Your experience with Love Won Out is the same as mine. I do have training in child development and I believe there are significant problems with the reparative drive model when applied to all gays (as the reparative therapists do).
Parents are truly damaged and families torn apart when an explanation is provided that does not fit them. I have seen this happen and it should stop.
Warren,
It is so important that we are all open to growth and changes in things along the way. Thank you.
“accept their children as they are […] This is a win, win situation for all concerned.”
Yeah! This is one of the most important things.
There is an Ex-Gay-Mailing-List on Yahoo. Sometimes i read there. The parents, they hope the relationship of her child broke up, and pray for this. Brrr.
“I don’t think I have ever seen such a large gathering of grieving parents in my life. It was as though they had all lost their children to death and gathered for a common memorial service!”
*lol* So sadly this is, but i can imagine this very well.
@Cheryl Tyler: “John, so true and according to Alan Chambers’ tweet to me he isn’t telling parents this anymore.”
But i think it is on their homepage still.
@karl dobermann: Don’t throw drug addiction and homosexuality in the same dustbin! Or do you real mean that 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 years old are addicted to male people, without one thing consuming? You can see addiction today in the brain-MRT and alcoholic is there similar like gambling when i recognition correctly. I smoke, and I’m gay, I know the difference between an addiction and sexual orientation. The feeling is very different.
Development of homosexuality is for me personally development of brain. I’m left handed. What is the cause? And this can be better changed, but sometimes with bad outcoming. (A friend cutting a circle with cissors in the right hand linke with the left hand. He begins down and goes left.) Some like music, some like no music. Some see colours when they read numbers. Some think more in pictures (legastenic), see word more in pictures. (they made a brain-maraton everytime, see the word, turning it in all directions, for- and backwards, and if it is trained, they read mostly as other people.) But many of them can made good models of things or networks in the brain, there is a little duration, but then they can imaging it from all sides. Why this all? I don’t know. But is is there, it is in the brain. Some factors have a little effect on these, but mostly it is brain development. One Mother with twins, which was years before in TV had a girlish and a boyish child. She said, that she know a difference between these two at the age of 18 month. Must not be for all the same, but the ground-developing for these things seems for many at a very early age, also if it can be seen only later. Why? Is this really necessary? Sure, it is interesting.