I was walking on the track with a friend today. He asked about how I was in some general terms then he said, “John, so how are things with Grace Rivers?” I was quickly drawn to a conversation I had just yesterday with a man who had contacted us after he read through my book, “Ex’d Out”.

He told me that he began reading through the chapters and fell into tears. “John, I’ve been a Christian since 1975.” Telling more of his story he shared that he remembered his mom telling him many times as he grew up that no one should take communion at church unless they had cleared away all of their sin.

“John, I’ve never taken communion as a Christian because I knew I could never clear away my sin. Much less, being gay never goes away so how could I take communion as long as I’m gay?” As he went on to describe a conversation he had with some leaders at a church he was a member of several years later. “John, I felt I needed to be honest with these folks so I told them I was gay. They followed up to tell me that I could never have the full blessing of God on my life as long as I’m gay. So, they proceeded to try to deliver me from homosexuality.”

As I sat in my backyard, fall leaves all around me, I began to weep with both sadness, and anger. Here this man was, as honest as the day is long, feeling as though he could never be worthy enough, or clean enough to feel the blessing of God on his life.

Oooh. I can still feel it in my bones! How many are there? How many other men and women experience the brick wall of man’s religion keeping them away from God’s redemptive love and grace because they have believed it was up to them to clean up their lives in order to enter a life with God?

Through his own tears, I heard the plight of so many gay men and women. So many have desire to be close to God, and to live out their faith without condemnation, but there are so many messages that are sent that gay people cannot be Christian, or if they are, they lose out on the blessing that other non-gay people seem to have.

I remember hearing from long ago that Christians aren’t to be a judge of salvation, but they are “fruit inspectors” stemming from the passages in the Bible that say “we will know them by their fruit.” I have a problem with that line of thought.

No one but God knows the heart of mankind. In no way can I ever be a fruit inspector of someone else’s heart or life! Inside all of us is a very personal journey. No one knows my walking shoes like I do, and certainly no man is capable of making any kind of assessment about a relationship with God based upon what someone sees outwardly.

My friend has been a Christian for over 40 years. He has never told anyone of the fears and barriers he held closely to his heart about communion. He just quietly let the communion plate pass by him over and over, year after year thinking he could never be clean enough to take, and eat, the body of Christ; to drink, the blood of Christ.

How could anyone have judged the fruit without knowing this man’s heart? Only God knows his heart, but I certainly got a glimpse into his life through that one short conversation with him. I was broken in my heart for what he has gone through.

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This blog is being written and shared as a part of a synchroblog  on the subject of the cultural debate over homosexuality and Christianity. being facilitated by Justin Lee today.

You can see other posts connected to this amazing collection of authors viewpoints by going to the synchroblog page here

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You can get a copy of my book “Ex’d Out” by clicking here!

Through these pages you will find not only vulnerable and extensive personal process, but also a serious apology unlike any that has been written before by anyone who was in leadership within the culture of what has been known as ex-gay ministry.

Torn – a book by Justin Lee also available

Thankfully, there are many new resources that present a balance to helping gay men and women find God’s grace and freedom. One other great new book that is now available is “Torn” by Justin Lee. This book shares the life story of a man who has felt the divide in his heart regarding being gay, and a Christian.  Click here to get this wonderful new resource.