“John, your dad gave me this angel pin and it is one of my favorite things.”

“Did you see my angel pin, I got it from your dad. He’s such a special uncle.”

And yes, a third,

“I’m wearing this special pin that your dad gave me a number of years ago.”

I was standing in the foyer of the church on the day of my dad’s memorial service and three cousins came over to me to show me the special gifts that my dad had given them. It seemed when they brought these pins to my attention that they believed they were the special niece and the only one that got a pin from him. I had to chuckle as they hadn’t known that others had shown me theirs as well.

After my dad’s passing I learned something very special about him. He had the uncanny ability to make me feel as though I was his favorite child of all three of us. I mean, after all, I was his only son. Apparently he also had that ability with my two sisters as well. We remembered teasing each other about being “dad’s favorite” but it wasn’t until after he passed that we realized just how meaningful his ability to love us that way had been in our lives.

When we were going through his things, one sister mentioned that we should go through his checkbook records to gain more insight into who dad was. As we did, we discovered a check he had written to my oldest sister. It was for $650. She said, “Oh, yes, that was during a time when my husband and I were in a huge financial bind and dad came to the rescue.” Then further down the stack we found the check he had written for $850 to Chucks Engine Repair. I said, “Oh, that was when my car engine blew up and dad paid to have it rebuilt. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t helped me.” Then a third check was found. It was written for $1000 for an emergency need that my other sister had when she was going through a really tough tim

Of course, parents often help their adult children with financial needs, but in this case what amazed me was we had absolutely no concern for the differences in the amount of money that he gave each of us, or the timing of the gifts. We actually encouraged each other with the fact that dad didn’t favor any of us, but gave us what he could in our time of need. We were actually celebrating that fact as we talked about how unconditionally dad loved each of us and the way he saw each of us in a very unique and special way.

It was truly as though he did love us as though each one was his favorite!

As we continued to sort through the special items that brought back such fond memories we found some of his army things. We just looked at each other and said, “Who would really like this one.” With no selfishness, or over sensitivity we deferred to one another all the way through them. We really did want each of us to have the most significant things to us personally rather than to grab them all for ourselves, or argue against someone having something that was really important to them.

When we were done, we all agreed that due to the fact that dad loved us the way he did, we weren’t grabbing, or selfish. Further discussion revealed that this quality in his life gave us a secure foundation that has served us deeply in our lives.

Our mom was psychiatricly ill throughout our lives. Many deep wounds came into our hearts as a result of her emotionally damaging behavior and her inability to be a nurturing mom. But as we looked back, we celebrated the love we received from dad. His ability to love uniquely, and unconditionally, gave us something very special that we continue to hold onto today.

When dad was in the army, he had gotten a disease from being in India that affected his lungs with scar tissue that caused him to have a chronic cough that he suffered with his entire adult life. Eventually he got emphysema.

When he was 75 years old, he got pneumonia that laid him in the hospital. He was on a respirator which brought him to a lot of pain and frustration.

As we talked to the doctors about his prognosis he asked them if the respirator was temporary. His lung tissue had become brittle and he would never be able to breathe on his own again. They honestly told him that it was not temporary and he would have to live out his life with it. He thought about it for a moment and said, “take it off.” He was not willing to live with the respirator. As he requested, they removed it, made him comfortable, and he passed away a day later.

While this may seem strange to some, there was something about him and our relationship that respected his desires so deeply. There was no attempt to persuade him to remain on the respirator. We allowed him the freedom to do as he pleased just like he had respected each of us and loved us all through the years.

We often talk about him, how he loved us, and how much he gave us through making each of us his favorite child. We surely miss him deeply. But, we are not grieving the loss because of what we never got, rather from what we did receive. It’s been almost twenty years since he passed, but the good memories continue.

Dad, I believe with all my heart that you are fully aware of my life today. I feel your encouragement, and your unconditional love each day. I believe you know more now than ever, who I am. You see my heart, you know my motives, and you filter it all through being with God personally. Your encouragement means more to me than ever before.

I love you Dad.